Lovers, Friends
and Families
Self care
Telltale signs present
in early Tina use
Someone
we care about is a problem Tina user
Understanding
Tina dependence
Tips
for talking with someone about their problem use
Strategies
for helping
Recovery
issues
Partners
Tips for talking with someone about their problem use
Following through with a decision to confront a lover, friend,
or family member about their problem use is difficult. It’s
likely they may even sense you are getting ready to bring
up the subject with them. If they’re resistant, they
will attempt to avoid the discussion or make it more difficult.
Pay attention to this but also understand that resistance
and denial often accompany problem drug use.
If you decide to proceed, here are some tips that others
have found helpful:
• Before doing anything, make a plan. What do we want
to say? What's your goal? Writing down your thoughts may help
you organize a strategy and feel calmer.
• Pick the right time. Avoid when he's high or when
he's too tired and cranky after a high. The time after a binge
may be best, when he might feel more conflicted about his
behavior and open to considering change.
• From the beginning, reassure him that even though
you may not like his behaviors or choices, you still like
him. Highlight qualities that you still appreciate. These
positive qualities may be critical strengths for him during
this rough time.
• Avoid labels. Don't start by accusing him of being
a Tina addict. Let him know that you really care about him
and your relationship and that things have been different
lately.
• Focus on his specific behaviors or the changes that
are concerning. ‘I'm worried about your weight loss,’
or ‘You always used to say that safe sex was important
to you,’ or ‘When you promised to go to dinner
and didn't show up, I felt disappointed’ are examples.
• Talk about the effect your lover, friend, or family
member’s Tina use has on whatever he cares about most:
career, appearance, reputation, relationship, friends. etc.
He may connect to those things more quickly than he can to
his own health and well being.
• Don't preach about future health risks (or anything
else!). Most guys already know that Tina is bad for them.
Dependence forces a ‘right here, right now’ orientation;
guys often can't see far ahead and have a skewed picture of
the past. Instead, focus on behaviors and consequences happening
right now.
• Notice tone and language. Reporting that you feel
frustrated, sad or upset, is okay but express it as neutrally
as possible and without anger.
• Let him respond. It's normal if he gets angry or
defensive. In fact, you should expect it. Be patient and allow
him time to process those emotions.
• Decide if and when you can have another conversation
together. Follow through with gentle, patient persistence.
• Take a list of resources with you. If you offer to
go with him for help, follow through if he asks.
Adapted from KnowCrystal.org with permission
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