How do we know when the party is over?

Although there are many ways to fill our needs, some of us chose Tina. How do we know if we’ve crossed the line and are in trouble with Tina? Unfortunately, there’s no clear-cut answer to this question; everyone’s line is different. For example, getting high every other weekend may be fine for someone else but too much for us. Some of us can use occasionally for years without any problems. Some of us never binge but have problems with relatively light use.

On some level we know if our Tina use is a problem for us, although it may be hard for us to see or admit it. Here are a collection of experiences that have been ‘red flags’ for other guys. If any of these are familiar to you, you might want to think further about your own use. This may mean using less, stopping for while, or quitting altogether.

Body:

• The party is over when no matter how much we sleep in, we still feel tired.

• The party is over when we develop acne and skin conditions long after going through puberty.

• The party is over when we keep missing doses of HIV and other meds.

• The party is over when our gums bleed and are sore and our dentist reports aggravated gingivitis (inflammation of the gums) and gum recession.

• The party is over when our friends and co-workers comment on our weight loss and wonder if we are sick, instead of saying how great we look.

• The party is over when our mother thinks we have AIDS and we’re not HIV+.

• The party is over when we can’t be bothered to obtain and use sterile needles.

• The party is over when we get our heart tested and find out we have high blood pressure and “left ventricular hypertrophy,” (thickening of the heart muscle) and are now at increased risk for cardiac arrest and stroke.

• The party is over when we repeatedly OD because deep down we are really trying to kill ourselves.

Mind and Behaviour:

• The party is over when we consistently promise ourselves we are not going to use this weekend but we do anyway.

• The party is over when we find the smallest thing not going our way can set us off.

• The party is over when we feel shitty about the number of times we procrastinate, make excuses and lie to cover up our behavior.

• The party is over when we are told to stop saying “I’m sorry” and really mean it for a change.

• The party is over when we go to a 12-Step meeting and ask around for a lead on a dealer.

• The party is over when the top told us he's just unloaded his poz cum in our neg ass and we beg for more.

• The party is over when we consistently have more trouble remembering where we put things. If it is Tina we have misplaced, we will spend inordinate amounts of time desperately trying to find it.

• The party is over when we feel super confident when we are high and incompetent when we are not.

• The party is over when we feel overwhelmed by all the shit that seems to keep happening in our lives.

• The party is over when we begin to think everyone is out to get us.

• The party is over when we are convinced there are little critters crawling on our skin that no one else can see and the tweezers never catch.

• The party is over when we tell someone we love him and minutes later we tell him that we hate him.

Life:

• The party is over when we become used to spending every weekend high and when the beginning of every week is hell.

• The party is over when what we use the computer for most is cruising for PnP hook-ups.

• The party is over when we realize that we can’t remember everyone we were with last night and are grateful we can’t, because some of those guys were scary. Come to think of it, we must have been scary too.

• The party is over when it takes two hours to get ready to leave the house.

• The party is over when we keep making excuses for missing work.

• The party is over when we begin many projects and complete none of them.

• The party is over when we have several dealers and know where to get Tina 24/7.

• The party is over when using is something we need to do and don’t enjoy anymore.

• The party is over when we need Tina to feel accepted because of age, race, or disability issues.

• The party is over when we miss holidays with family because we were too busy having sex with people we don't even know.

• The party is over when we chose Tina over our lover.

• The party is over when we can’t imagine how we used to be so productive before Tina. How did we get all that accomplished?

• The party is over if we have lost important friendships or relationships.

• The party is over when we remember all the twisted, sick shit we got ourselves into.

• The party is over when we say and do things we wish we had never said or done.

TIP: If something here inspires us to wonder or perhaps panic, know that good people and resources are available to help. Please click here.

Adapted from tweaker.org with permission.